S&M theme pub opens a chain in Westminster?

Think about the pubs you have visited. Did any resemble a torture chamber, except, perhaps, for that old crow of a landlady serving up warm lager from dirty casks and charging a fortune for the privilege?

A couple in Berlin has invested £80 000 in a sado-masochist cellar, only to be denied permission to open after neighbours complained. The couple said they were just trying to open a pub for people who dress strangely.

We recommend they try opening it near Conservative Central Office – they would find their neighbours more than friendly. Indeed, there’s bound to be a few whips knocking around on opening night.