Chapman brothers face the music after being set up

BTW, did anyone catch Wire’s gig at the Barbican? There we were to boost our art-punk credentials and spot Malcolm Garrett look-a-likes pogo-ing in the posh seats. But the night’s real lowlight was the Chapman brothers’ DJ set.

Infamous artistes Jake and Dinos had ‘designed’ the stage backdrop – looped Baywatch-style step videos from the 1980s – but were also meant to spin some tunes at half-time.

Ten minutes in, both were looking perplexed behind a bank of gadgetry while a plucky girl DJ did all the work. Soon, our heroes retired altogether, nodding along with the rest of us to some industrial-strength electronica. And to think, people accuse Brit artists of charlatanism. Tsk.