Month-by-month guide to an alternative lifestyle

Confused by the behaviour of your colleagues? If you work at a design, advertising, or PR agency they could be displaying the early symptoms of Bernadinism.

Photographer Alva Bernadine has issued a number of agencies with copies of his first calendar, which along with pictures includes a breakdown of Bernadinism. The philosophy teaches followers “how to dominate men, subjugate women and stupefy children”, says the self-styled guru.

Photos titled The Most Scurrilous Washing Line in Christendom, Nine Arses Being Warmed, and How to Discipline Your Pussy share space with writings such as How to Become a Serial Killer and How to Suck the Big Toe of God.

Bernadine himself says he has wanted to produce the calendar – which he himself designed to publicise his work – for a long time and was “waiting for the money to fall from the sky”.

Now that it is in the public domain it seems that people are going cock-a-hoop over his philosophy on life. Whether his efforts at self-publicity make Bernadine rich and famous remains to be seen. He admits that his tactics so far have made him poor and infamous.