Disguised as assembly…

Disguised as assembly-line elves, our crack team of undercover reporters has obtained prototype plans for Cosworth Technology’s high-spec sleigh engine. A source at Milton Keynes-based Pauley Design says Santa could fall back on such propulsion in the event of a reindeer strike. Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott was fast asleep when we asked for a comment on whether the UK was prepared for Rudolph and friends holding hooves around the braziers. ‘It’s only a fookin’ Christmas card, ya daft beggar,’ he is believed to have said.

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