No kisses for CSD medallion man

“Why is it so small?” complained new Chartered Society of Designers president Nick Jenkins, as the Minerva’s head medal was placed around his neck by outgoing president Stefan Zachary.

“The medal’s yours, do what you like with it mate. I’m off to watch the football,” said Zachary in an undertone, patting the newly honoured one dismissively before he – like the majority of attendees – shot out of the door to watch England v Germany.

“Aren’t I supposed to get a kiss on both cheeks or something?” Jenkins called after him plaintively.

Then Jenkins got to work and suggested a restructuring. “The CSD has got itself into a quagmire of procedural niceties,” he said, moving on to his discovery that Nottingham University has 115 design students compared to the 60 it had when he visited “many many years ago”. The fact that the university has no extra staff or funding provoked horrified gasps from the remaining audience.

Sadly, these reactions were similarly echoed on the stands at Wembley later on that evening.