Stonehenge is to be privatised, its ancient grounds destined to become a garish, money-grubbing theme park as actors dressed as Stone Age people sell chunks of genuine pillar in plastic cases.
The seaside, too, will be tarted up and sold off. And Hull is to become Britain’s premier tourist attraction. Better get on down before it catches on.
Yes, the UK is being sold off in slices. Freelance artist Simon Poulter has been funded by Hull Time Based Arts to research and produce the prospectus, which at first glance looks convincing. Prospectuses for The UK Ltd 0% Interest Share Offer have already been sent out to MPs, and full flotation of our green and pleasant land is planned for March.
Public gullibility will be tested at the ICA on 16 January, when Poulter will try to sell bits of the UK in the foyer. And outraged phone calls have begun flocking in – “I got a call from New Age magazine Resurgence, screaming at me for promoting the sale of Stonehenge,” says Poulter.
But some of the facts revealed are uncomfortably true – the Conservative government has spent at least Ãº258m on consultants to advise on privatisation programmes. One Mr Bryan Weston, an electricity mogul from Manweb, could make almost Ãº1m from share options after flotation. And directors in Northern Electric were awarded thousands of share options less than a week before the share price soared.