Fat-boy hits the town

Known to some as David Mellor after a week’s binge in a cakeshop, rumour has it that the boy-pig Billy Bunter, is poised for a comeback.

If reports prove correct, fans of the podgy scamp will be able to tuck into an enormous trough of… well, anything really, so long as it passes the fat test, for a themed restaurant chain is apparently being mooted.

Furniture designers are already tussling with the problems of a nation’s expanding girth, so any Bunter punters would prove an even bigger challenge.

There are also plans afoot for the cake-muncher to appear in his very own TV programme. But given the enormity of Bunter’s frame and thus the volume of resources required to animate it, on-screen designers interested in the project would be well advised to scoop up any materials they can while stocks last.