Moronic designer decides on that gut feeling

A beer GUT blossoms under Curious graphic designer Simon Richardson’s checked shirt.

How do we know? No, we haven’t come over all bitchy, influenced by The Sun’s remorseless bullying of the hapless Fergie.

Curiouser and curiouser. But Simon has actually declared in a Body Special for gossipy glossy mag More! that his chest – formerly “quite good” has been “ruined by beer”.

Elizabeth, his freelance designer girlfriend, agrees. When she first saw Simon unclothed she thought he was “nice, although he had a bit of a stomach from too much beer”. But she loves his bum and thinks he has nice legs from kick boxing.

Simon himself was “slightly embarrassed” when he first disrobed in front of Elizabeth. His favourite part of himself is his mouth. Elizabeth “takes the mickey” out of his nose sometimes – and we all know what that’s a euphemism for – but overall says she can’t complain.

Brad Pitt, however, wins over Simon for best body in the world. How predictable.